Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
