who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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