That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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