Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
