It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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