dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
