this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
