Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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