ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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