In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
