call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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