I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
