My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
