Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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