I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
