Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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