I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
