have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
