i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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