hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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