mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
