i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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