you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
