I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
