that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
