im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
