If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Two words: blizzard sex
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
