she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
