you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
