standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
