I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
