I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
