oh god the rape fog is back!
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
