By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
