i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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