There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
