to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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