He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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