im about as happy as oj after his trial
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
