So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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