I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
