she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
