On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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