you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
