just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
