The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
