i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
