VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
