if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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