nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
