Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
