i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
